Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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