happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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