cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
