I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
