and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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