i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
