I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
