Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
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