I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
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I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
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Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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