I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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