just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Please don't give away my fajitas
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
