remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I need help removing her.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
