I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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