Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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