Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
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