I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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