I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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