Someone shit on the floor
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
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Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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