Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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