Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
