I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
