I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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