You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Randomize
