dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
