new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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