Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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