forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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