I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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