when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
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and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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