How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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