You're so nebulous sometimes
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
