ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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