She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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