dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
