My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Randomize
