He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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