I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
