the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
