Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
