Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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