it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
