Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
