Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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