I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
