Dude my mom stole all your condoms
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
