There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
