some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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