I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
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He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
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are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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