I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
