I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
