got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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