I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
