And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
