Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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