it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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