I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
