i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Randomize
