so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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