Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize