Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
