Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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