Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
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