Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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