i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
