I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
