nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
