The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
