I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
