the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Randomize
