When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Randomize
