Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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