i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
