She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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