I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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