I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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