Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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