I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
