I could make wine with my vomit
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
