I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
